Streams of Consciousness… Beware of wordiness*!

…and that’s because I’m a blogspot loyalist now! nyahahaha…

if you wanna drop by, here’s the link:

www.epohnym.blogspot.com

Got it? ^_^

I recently discovered something about myself. Upon finding out about it, everything else actually made sense. I knew I was right when I decided to befriend Ami one fateful day sometime last last last semester (hehe). She’s like the Virgin Mary I never had.

An epiphany, you might call that…enlightenment, even. For today, I have realized that I AM GOD!!! (*thunder and lightning*..oh, wait! That makes it sound like I’m Lucifer… *angelic chorus and birds chirping in the background*…aahhh, there…much much better!*)

Yes, remember those three words. It all makes sense, now. I have four bases.

Hint #1: I was reading Ami’s blog and it said there (in here seven truths post), "I think God loves me." So I was like, "That’s weird. I love her! Hmmmm…." *tongue clicking* Okay, it may not seem prodigious at the moment but just you wait. There’s more.

Hint #2: God loves children. (heck! I looooooooooooove children! Hello?? Pedophile here.)

Hint #3: I played the character ‘Death’ in the play ‘Everyman’ for our The Drama subject (I got a 1.25 in the final grade..nyehehehe…See that? God is all-knowing. Apparently, I am, too!). God is both death and life, so this claim is actually validated. Bleeeeehhh!!!!

Hint #4: Although my parents would readily discourage this thought, I am certain that I was born through immaculate concepcion. tsk, tsk.. I’m sure of this. (hey, you do not question God!)

Hint #5: As God (*ehem*, in case u don’t get it yet, God is me)decided to ride a jeepney to school one day and pay for the fare, the demon (in the form of a driver) gave a change that was 2php short. God would never allow this minor form of thievery (if there is such a word, but then again, I’m God so I declare that there will be such a word). I decided to let my celestial powers do their thing. I looked at the driver’s mirror straight to the demon’s eyes..and boy (pedophile…yum) was there darkness! But God is more powerful. God gave it (the driver, he’s not in human form anymore) the "Godly stare" and the demon got scared and automatically gave God the 2php it was withholding. Haha..the power of my eyes! Such power!!!!

…Do you see now? It doesn’t have to be rational. Just have faith in me. This self-realization actually answers one of the most debated-upon questions that bother the human life, i.e. :

Is God a man or a woman? - The answer would be neither. God exhibits gender duality. In other words, God is gay. (*ehem* a classic archetype for tricksters but y’all know I’m more than that!)

Now, I know his might come out as a shock at first, but you’ll get used to the idea. I even freaked out myself! Picture this:

The cooperative bunch of the AB-English Organization students were at the ABEO garden doing some decorating to spread the Christmas cheer (no reindeers, though…this is a Christian celebration. Paganism is strictly condemned…aw). Ami and I talked about highly important matters (and by important matters, we mean anime) until we reached to a conclusion that I’m actually God (stream of consciousness..we’re good at it. X_x)! I exclaimed, "Oh, my God! I’m God!" Ami corrected me, "Not ‘oh, my God’. You should say ‘Oh, my self’!" *shudders at the thought* She’s right! Ph, my self!!! And so, that’s how she ended up as God’s Secretary of Anime and Bubblegum Affairs (see? God IS a giver).

So, before you raise that eyebrow on me…think again. Do you really want me to curse you into eternal damnation?? You don’t really want God to be angry at you, do you? Hihi..

Gather round, my children! Keep your faith in me! Spread the good news! *Mojo Jojo voice* Obey me!!!!! Aw… X_x

P.S.

I don’t mean to sound blasphemous in this post. I do believe in a higher power. Do you hear me, God? Please don’t hate me… *sheepish grin*

Ami, my dearest perpetual bubble gum-provider, tagged me about the seven truths thing… *shudders* Great, lying is not even an option here! I’m mandated to tell the truth! Cripe! Okay, here are seven truths about me….

1. Yes, I am a pedophile (officially declared last November 1st).

2. Eating in Jollibee wouldn’t be complete without large fries and swirly bitz…and I use the latter as a dip (hey, that’s not weird! you should see Rei mix ketchup with the swirly bitz and eat it! eeeewww!!!).

3. I think debating isn’t as fun as it was before anymore. Hahai.

4. I just got my 2,000php Dean’s List(er?) stipend today! Woohoo! It may not be much, but still… ^_^

5. That 2nd yr student named Karen always makes me horny. Spooky, I know… X_x

6. I don’t like having sex (this may seem in contrast to my #1 truth: being a pedophile, but i really don’t like sex…and that doesn’t mean that just because I don’t like it it already follows that I don’t do it.. XP) Seriously, I don’t…. What’s wrong with me?????!!!! Now, this is spookier (I like the cuddling part…but I’m not saying I’m not a virgin anymore, do you hear me?? I’m not saying I am still, either…hehe)!!!

7. I think that I am Madame Bovary in the flesh! I also feel that Milan Kundera’s characters in his novel, "The Unbearable Lightness of Being", also point to me!!!!! I feel that I am Tomas. I also feel that I am Teresa. I also feel that I am Sabina and Franz!!!! Whew! I’m like Sybill, now..haha. You know Sybil? That girl with a hundred personalities — multiple personality disorder (or am i just a hyperative hypochondriac?? hmmm….makes sense).

Rules:

1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Pick 10 others you would like to get to know better.
3. Let them know you’ve tagged them by leaving a comment on their blog.
4. And don’t forget to give them the rules.

And now, I’m gonna tag Florence, Jedi, Ken, Kim, Syrah, Devie, and Ate Connie!!! Nyahahaha… ^_^

What he makes up for in his speaking prowess, he lacks in his manners.

The temperamental Behn who blatantly pointed out Lino Brocka’s downsides all-throughout his speech is justifiably MEAN.

Here’s to you: "I will sing no celebratory song everytime I hear your name!"

You will never be better than Lino.. Aw, k ra? haha…

There’s so many things I wanna say to you..but I still have a sense of being civil left within me… One thing is for sure, I don’t wanna turn out to be a bald, gay, bitter old man like you…

Features

A Gay-Lesbian/Queer Criticism on “Dalawa”

By Philip Hope P. Mamugay

            The play entitled “Dalawa” from the twin-bill production In2rscors tells the story of two best friends: Rita and Gigi, and the revelations made by each of them one night when the former decides to spend the night in the latter’s apartment.

            The first hint of homosexuality, although quite subtle, is depicted on Rita’s choice of clothes. She wears a simple tee and a pair of baggy pants. She doesn’t like to dress up, and because of this fashion attitude, she is dubbed a “tomboy”.

            The two talks about different personal topics and shows streams of consciousness, they converse in an unrestrained, continuous, and natural manner. The spontaneity of their talks stresses out the firmness of their same-sex bond as best friends and is not quite viewed with malice by the audience at first.

            Before exploring the depths of homosexual behavior, it is rather important to note the individual personalities of the two characters: Rita is the silent type. She appears to be troubled. It is mentioned that she happens to be her dad’s favorite. This attachment to her dad will soon surface a revelation as the story unfolds. Like what has been stated earlier, she is “tomboyish”. She doesn’t talk unless someone catalyzes her to speak out, and in this case, Gigi is her catalyst.

            Gigi, on the other hand, is bubbly, perky, and “kikay”. She is adventurous and is quite the outspoken type. She views intimacy as something exciting, although she has never done “it” all the way.

            Later on, a drastic change of atmosphere occurs to Rita and Gigi’s “slumber party” mood when Rita confesses to Gigi that she has been repeatedly molested by her father. Gigi was dumbfounded at first, but as the two decides to go to sleep, her curiosity and adventurous trait took control over her causing her to act queerly. She caresses Rita and tries to kiss her. Rita wakes up and tries to stop Gigi but the latter blackmails her, saying that she would spread the word that Rita is having sex with her dad.

      “Gusto mong ipagkalat ko sa buong campus na you’re f****ng your dad?!”

            There has been an exchange of personalities. Rita, who appears to be the tomboy at the start of the play, is now being harassed by her friend Gigi, who is now the one displaying real homosexual tendencies. In the end, Rita gave in.

            The coming-out-of-the-closet by the character Gigi is quite notable. Throughout the play, we were led to believe that she is the “straight” one. But once she finds out about Rita having had sex with her dad, she decides to take this opportunity to test her curiosity and her closeted lesbian tendencies. Gigi recognizes within herself her desire to be sexually intimate with Rita and decides to act on it. She uses Rita’s secret as a leverage to blackmail her and take advantage of her.

            It is thus, then revealed that Gigi is the one with lesbian tendencies and Rita is merely a victim. In this case, a victim of both her father’s and best friend’s sexual abuse. Rita and Gigi enter into a genital relationship with each other. Both make a step inside the realm of their first lesbian experience.

            The concept of the play rejects the idea of compulsory heterosexuality. This means that there is an act of resistance made by Gigi to heterosexual behavior as she decides to start “coming out of the closet” and expose her real sexual identity to her troubled friend, Rita. Compulsory heterosexuality is the assumption that men and women are ideally made for each other both sexually and emotionally and that homosexuality is abnormal and is not universal.

            The message of this play is very relevant for the contemporary times. It raises the recognition of non-heterosexual behaviors and calls for a greater understanding to it. It does not imply that same-sex relationships (i.e. friendship) should be viewed upon with suspicion and should be categorized with condemnation under the lesbian continuum, but it expresses the fact that such homosexual behaviors actually exist and turning a blind eye on them is not a reasonable solution.

This is a critique submitted by the author in his English 90 class under Prof. Christine F. Godinez-Ortega.

Dai Sijie’s first novel, Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress, is something that appeals for both Feminist and Marxist readers. It is a story of love, beauty, awakening of desires, romance, literature, and how all these “people” the lives of those involved in the re-education movement in the height of the Cultural Revolution of China in Mao Tse Tung’s reign in the 1970’s.

Part of the reeducation program at that time was the automatic suspicion on intellectuals, who are then sent to provinces or countryside to “cleanse” themselves of their bourgeois ways. Two of the main characters in the story, Luo and the narrator (whose name, as translated in English means "Horse Sword Bell") were sent to the fictional mountain named Phoenix of the Sky to be reeducated by carrying natural fertilizers (i.e. animal dung) on their backs and working in the dangerous copper mines. Luo is a son of a famous dentist, who has been labeled as “an enemy of the state” for once performing dentistry on Chairman Mao’s teeth and for hinting the imperfection of Chairman Mao. The narrator (we shall address to him as Ma), on the other hand, is a son of a pulmonary physician. Ma is also a gifted musician and is dubbed as “the fiddler” for he plays the violin.

It has been stated in the novel that only the books approved by the government (books about human labor and manpower) is allowed to be read. Upon Luo and Ma’s arrival, the village Chief goes through their possessions, throwing “bourgeois” stuff on the fire and nearly doing the same thing with Ma’s violin (thinking it was toy) before Luo convinces him to let Ma play Mozart on it. Ma charms the villagers with the sonata and is allowed to keep his instrument when the Chief is informed that the composition is in honor of Chairman Mao and is entitled “Mozart is thinking of Chairman Mao”. The ignorance of the villagers is in sync with the two boys’ capability to manipulate them, as they are more educated or more “civilized” as compared to them. This shows the possession of power among the two class strata.

The novel shows how various “rebels” of the Mao government adjust with the situation they are in pragmatically. For instance, Ma can still play Mozart’s compositions by attributing them to Mao or Lenin (“Mozart is thinking of Chairman Mao). Foreign literary pieces can even be hidden from illiterates, who may mistake an illustration of Flaubert for Karl Marx (like what happened when Ma got bullied by the gang who were jealous of him for spending much time with the Little Seamstress). The boys will never renounce their education, but will remain undercover intellectuals until the day that the government no longer requires that they hide their talents – after their reeducation has been made successful.

They soon meet the Little Chinese Seamstress, whom Luo thinks is "not civilized, at least not enough” for him. So, upon acquiring forbidden literary books from their friend Four-Eyes, who is in another neighboring village and also a candidate for reeducation, Luo reads to her books written by Balzac and other prominent writers of the west. This prejudice of Luo on women from the village underlines the presence of male dominance over women with an added discrimination on the people who live in the villages. Luo is stereotyping the Little Seamstress.

Luo and Ma are not aware of the impact of the Little Chinese Seamstress to their lives. Discreetly, she is the reason why they experience the feeling of having something to look forward to amidst the atrocities of their time, well, her and the literary books but she is the one who fires up the books that they read. They read the books all the while thinking of her and how she would respond to it. Will she like it? Will her eyes light upo when this is read to her?

The Little Seamstress then indulges in a sexual relationship with Luo. This act of “giving herself up” to Luo is another manifestation of sexualized power relations among men and women. By letting Luo have her, she thinks she is fortifying their romantic bond, when in fact, she is merely pleasing him. She succumbs to how her man (or boy, for that matter) expects her to behave. She embraces the cliché on women behavior.

Because of Luo’s desire to transform her into something civilized so that he’ll be good enough for him (this is a clear point of men expecting women to be attractive and to please them), he reads to her the “forbidden literary books”, especially those written by Balzac. And this creates a great impact on her - not only on her, but on Ma, and on the old tailor, as well.

Literature truly can become a life changing experience. The book makes sure it presents this theme with clarity. Ma, in particular is touched by Balzac and Flaubert, even going to the trouble of transcribing Balzac’s prose inside his jacket. After an all night reading session, he sees the world quite differently. The old tailor has also been affected by these works, which are made apparent in the clothes he makes which materialize those dresses described in the books. The Little Seamstress also is touched by Balzac, who convinces her that a “woman’s beauty has great value.” No longer will she feel so inferior. How do you keep her from living a better life after knowing that such a thing is actually possible to happen for her? After the ideas of Balzac have sunk in on her, she leaves off trying to search for that “something better”. That is the irony of learning; the more things you know, the more you feel incomplete and dissatisfied. But we cannot blame the Little Seamstress for longing for happiness on that “something better”.

Luo has indeed succeeded in transforming her. But then she turns out to be too good for him. More than what he hoped her to become. He no longer can take control over her. This is the Little Chinese Seamstress’ emancipation. She has been empowered. And she will never be stopped in going after what she wants…a better life.

Fall: Hello, Pride. Why don’t you go first?

Pride: Okay. *flounces ahead*

Fall: Oh, look. There’s a woman who is congratulating herself on the successful potty training of her fifth child, her ability to exclusively breastfeed, and her organization skills.

Pride: I think I’ll go shake her hand.

Fall: Watch out. She has a tendency to not let go.

Pride: That’s where you come in.

Fall: I love my job.

<Curtain>

Yes, Pride and Fall are two of our everyday acquaintances. They’re like two threads intertwined. They’re inseperable. If you get too much of the former, you also get too much of the latter. One must keep in mind that acquiring too much pride can lead to our downfall (remember Aristotle’s definition of a tragic hero? Hamartia…ring any bells?).

I know I’m no lesbian but I gotta say, Adrienne Rich has a point.

"Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence" is a 1980 essay by Adrienne Rich (a lesbian and a prominent figure of the Feminist Movement who was a major contributor to the Gay and Lesbian Criticism and the Queer Theory). The essay was first published in her 1986 book entitled Blood Bread and Poetry.

Rich denounces those Feminists who fights for the rights of the women but assume the persona of a heterosexual, middle class female. She argued that the traditional Feminists turn a blind eye to the existence of homosexual females.

In her essay, she discusses 3 main topics. These three are:

• sexualized relations of power within institutions
• lesbian experience/lesbian continuum
• questions of sexual identity

According to Rich, women are subjected to social expectations laid down by men (i.e. that women should be "attractive" and supportive of the males whom are proclaimed as superiors, that women are sexually accessilble to men, etc.). One example of this is the males’ search for trophy wives. Basically, what Rich was trying to imply is that these behavioral expectations consist the views of COMPULSORY HETEROSEXUALITY. Everyone is "mandated" to be staright. She also pointed out that this is a way of men to systematically ensure their power over women since these "filling of designated roles" subtley undermines the role of women, thereby labeling them as the "inferiors" or "the weaker other sex".

Furthermore, heterosexuality is compulsory because only partners of the opposite sex are deemed appropriate. Therefore, all same-sex desires must be denied or indulged in secrecy, and various kinds of same-sex bondings are looked upon with suspiscion.

It is rather important to note that heterosexuality is imposed, managed, organized, propagandized, and maintained by society. Women receive messages that promote heterosexual behavior in the form of myths and norms. Such myths include the VAGINAL ORGASM. This is a myth that serves to imply that a man is the only one who’s capable of satisfying a woman sexually and likewise prevents women from having relationships with other women for fear of not being given sexual satisfaction.

On a more important note, compulsory heterosexuality punishes those who do not comply to such behavior. This makes same-sex relationships become taboo, and often, criminalized. This leads to intolerance and the "choosing not to see" of gay men and lesbians in the society.

Forging on to the next point which is the Lesbian Experience/Continuum. Under this topic, Rich calls forth for a greater understanding of homosexuality. She belives that once this understanding is already eminent, the boundaries will be widened and women will be able to experience the "erotic" in female terms. Lesbian Experience refers to the historical and contemporary presence of lesbian creation while Lesbian Continuum refers to the entire range of a woman-identified experience. This kind of experience has a theme of RESISTANCE and REJECTION to the patriarchy and the male sovereignty over women.

Lastly, Rich’s essay talks about Questions of Sexual Identity. Under this, queries such as how sexuality is formed are answered. It can be said that this helped pave the way for the Queer Theory. In toto, sexuality is not at all essential or innate. It is a social-conditioning response. It is socio-culturally bound.

Ever had that feeling when one night, you feel as if you have everything that you’d ever need but then you wake up in the morning and find out that all of a sudden, you have nothing? You’re left feeling abandoned and alone.

Does this sound familiar to you?

If it does, then let’s think it over shall we? Do you think that maybe you just put your hopes up a little too high? Maybe you were expecting for something more? Tell you what, the problem with you is you like to think ahead. Thinking ahead is not at all bad but when you start mixing "thinking ahead" with fairy tales and fantasies (hep hep hep…not THAT kind of fantasy!), you’d end up getting disappointed. You’d end up getting hurt. It has happened to you before, hasn’t it? I’m pretty sure it has.

I believe that this happens often because you have a very romanticized view of the world. But the world isn’t like that all the time. It becomes romantic but then it also ceases in being such. And when it tires out, you always decide to linger on that momentary ideal experience… You never move on from that point in time. Keywords: LET GO. Sometimes taking the fall is much worth doing than the agonizing grasp. If you’re not ready to do so, give yourself time to accept things. But you have to remember that once in a while, you have to losen your grip. Finger by finger, try to lose your grasp…

Once you fall, you’ll realize that your romanticized notions have kept you from experiencing the thrill of moving on. It has kept you from seeing things more clearly. It has let you experience disappointment and even pain.

So, if you find yourself hanging on to something..think it over. Wouldn’t it be better if you would just get your feet from midair back to the ground? ^_^